He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
