Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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