I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
