weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
