I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
