party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
