Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
