I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
