so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
