There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
