About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
