shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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