I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
