Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
