There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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