we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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