I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
A bitchslap is in order.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
