Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
