When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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