It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
