I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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