You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
