don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
