apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
