My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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