I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
