Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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