dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
