I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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