That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
