I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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