I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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