We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
They have beer where we have blood.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
