i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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