oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
