His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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