Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
