JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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