I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
