There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
