I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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