It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
