i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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