Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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