Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
