All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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