Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
