Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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