My sheets look like a crime scene.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
