Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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