Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Randomize
