you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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