Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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