From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
should my penis look like a turkey
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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