Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
