how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
