I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Randomize
