I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
