Your face is a jimmy john
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize