why didn't you poke me back
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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