Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I can't trust your balls anymore.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
