he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
